Bad Christmas Humor

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus.

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said,"No L!"

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....Comet cleans sinks!

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. Its raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I don't think so, dear. I think its snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was, in fact, rain. And Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

I did say bad Christmas Humor. Hope you enjoyed.

Caught Up

Have you ever been been so involved in getting Sunday morning running smoothly that you got caught up in the running of the stuff that goes into it? Did you ever stop to realize that not everyone around you is concerned with props, crayons and the music you may need for the classroom? Who else cares if you wanted green Jello for the funny skit you had planned and instead only had red Jello? Well, I had just had one of those mornings.

While making sure all the teachers had what they needed, including the Jello, and checking the classrooms I noticed we had a little dead tree frog outside of our K-1 classroom near the playground. I made a mental note to make sure it was removed before the kids spotted it. As happens with most mental notes I did not remember until we were in between our first and second services. Luckily, no kids had spotted the poor deceased frog who was still in rigor mortise. I informed Kathy, the head of our logistics team on Sunday morning, of the need for someone to make the frog disappear and in her quick thinking she called her husband over to do the deed.

Let me pause here in the story to give you some background into how our classrooms are set-up on Sunday mornings. Each of our eight classrooms are divided into age groups from birth through fifth grade and are given animal names. On Sunday mornings my primary responsibility is for the Chipmunks (kindergarten-first grades), Foxes (second-third grades) and the Frogs (fourth and fifth grades).

Now we can continue with our tale. Kathy immediately informed her husband that I had a dead frog and he needed to get rid of it, she even suggested he toss it in the woods. Her husband turned and with a perplexed and somewhat stunned look asked, "Shouldn't you be calling 911?". It was at that moment that I realized he thought I was, at first, referring to one of our Frogs, a fourth or fifth grader. After the shock it made for quite a good laugh!

It is moments like that when I realize that I can get so caught up in my own efforts to get things done. Even without the green Jello, Sunday morning will happen and not by own efforts.